


Reach Out (I'll Be There)

by blasphemous



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is a supportive boyfriend, Alec ‘no filter’ Lightwood, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Gift Fic, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, London Dates, M/M, Magnus is a supportive boyfriend, Mentions of Attempted Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 01:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14069577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemous/pseuds/blasphemous
Summary: He began wringing his hands, focussing his attention on the sound of the cars that passed behind them once every few minutes, on the placidity of the water of River Thames, but mostly, on the way Magnus was pivoting his rings, tracing them individually, his head hung and his brows drawn together in concentration.The moment Alec had had enough and decided he should ask Magnus about what's going on, hating how..conflicted Magnus looked, Magnus seemed to have gotten in the right frame of mind and began speaking. “In the early eighteen seventies, I came here.”akathe conversation that should've happened after 2x08





	Reach Out (I'll Be There)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/gifts).



> Heyo
> 
> So during the last months of 2017, I had the honour of befriending [Nin](https://www.twitter.com/malteser_24), one of the most kindest, sweetest and mature people I've had the pleasure of meeting. Today's her 19th birthday so I hope you have a great one, Nin. Love you. 
> 
> PS: I had to repost this because it didn't appear in the malec tag. Enjoy!
> 
> **________**

“Knock knock” the brisk words were accompanied with two knocks that made Alec instantly look up from his tablet, a smile already forming on his lips.

“Magnus” he meant for the name to sound enthusiastic and zealous, but the breathlessness was merely a sign of how relieved he was that Magnus was here. He hadn't expected him, as Magnus had told him his day would be very busy with clients and brewing and portalling and whatnot, but now that Magnus stood at the door with a smile, twisting a ring around his finger as he watched Alec rise from his seat and approach him almost eagerly, like Magnus was all he needed at the moment, Alec was happy.

“Busy?” Magnus questioned, leaning up for a fleet kiss from his boyfriend.

Alec pulled back to smile. A lopsided, tight-lipped grin that made the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Never for you” he replied lightly, like it were as simple as breathing, as if it didn't knock all the air out of Magnus' lungs or steal a beat of his heart. “Want a drink?” Alec was already walking towards the cabinet to get them both a drink, but the moment he opened the cupboard, Magnus cleared his throat and let out a “we need to talk.”

Alec's hand, still hovering over the knob of the cabinet, froze. “About what?” He tried acting casual, but the slight tremble at the end of his question gave it away and the laugh coming from Magnus after it was beyond relieving.

“Don't worry, Alexander. I'm not breaking up with you,” Magnus was still chuckling lightly, “I haven't quite had enough of your company.”

Alec smiled and shook his head lightly, his back still to his boyfriend. “No drink?”

“No drink” Magnus repeated, emphasising on the words with a shake of his head, “I'd rather have this conversation sober,” he paused, taking a step closer as if that'll comfort Alec, “and alone.”

Alec turned around, smile unwavering. “We're alone” he assured, only to have Magnus hum and squint an eye in response.

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life” and there it was, the divulged and fervent emotion in three simple words coincided with the uninhibited adoration and _reverence_ in those hazel eyes. Magnus believes he'll never get used to it, to the way Alec looks at him and continues to render him speechless, like he doesn't mind his heart laying bare right in front of him. He doesn't mind it though, not one bit.

Magnus lifted a hand, snapping his fingers and a second later, the grey jacket slung over the chair of Alec's desk was in his hand, something that made Alec shake his head and turn around to allow Magnus to wrap him with it. “You really wanna go out in this weather?” It was rhetorical, because Alec had been with Magnus long enough to know that when he sets his mind to something, there's no way to change his mind.

“Mmhm, if I didn't know you better, Alexander, I'd think you're scared to get a little wet” Magnus rested a hand on Alec's shoulder and moved till he was standing in front of him. “Besides, it _just_ stopped raining in London.”

Alec fought back a fond eye-roll, settling on just watching Magnus as he straightened out his jacket. “Why London?” He managed to query.

“You'll see” was the response he got before a portal opened up.

*******

Alec was swinging their hands, fingers interlaced as he inhaled the petrichor. “Are you going to tell me—”

“Alexander” Magnus chimed in, singing the name playfully. “Patience.”

“You've been silent the whole walk and I'm starting to feel on edge” Alec admitted, lips puckering into a scowl as he looked down at the ground. Magnus squeezed on Alec's hand, then lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

“Not gonna lie, I'm feeling nervous as well” Magnus' disclosure managed to somewhat relieve Alec, up until they reached the Blackfriars Bridge.

“You're going to kill me, aren't you?” Alec leant over to whisper into Magnus' ear, voice entirely composed and serious. A laugh instantly bubbled out of Magnus, easing the two of them into tranquility.

“I can assure you,” Magnus said, “throwing you off the bridge is at the very bottom of my list.”

Alec paused. “But..it's on your list?”

Another laugh managed to spurt out of Magnus as Alec bumped their shoulders together with a complacent smirk. He was liking the idea of making Magnus laugh so much. Seeing the mirth on Magnus' face made it worth all those silly jokes and trivial commentary.

“You're insufferable, darling” Magnus said moments after their laughter died down.

Alec pouted to himself. “And I love you” the addendum stole whatever petulant complaint Alec had, and instead, his lips curled into a shy smile. Magnus then leant his head against Alec's shoulder, exhaling a dreamy sigh.

Resting his cheek against Magnus' hair, Alec slid both their hands into his pocket for warmth. “I love you too” the vapour of his words condensed until he could see his breath, a stark contrast between the warmth he felt inside and the gelid weather stinging his face, “so much.”

He had almost forgotten all apprehension by then, but when Magnus lifted his head off his shoulder and began steering them in the direction of the ledge of the arch bridge, Alec bit down on his lip anxiously.

Magnus had assured him that he wasn't breaking up with him, but the sudden veering of air between them, from playful to serious in seconds, made Alec's worries puddle at the pit of his stomach. _Breathe, Lightwood_ he fortified himself. _What could go wrong?_

Once they reached the ledge, they stopped, and none of them said a word for what seemed like hours. Maybe it was hours. Alec always lost track of time when he was around Magnus.

Magnus leant forward, forearms crossed over the concrete as he looked down at the water below. Alec copied, but didn't say a word. Magnus would start when he's ready, and frankly, Alec wasn't feeling significantly excited for this talk, whatever this talk was.

He began wringing his hands, focussing his attention on the sound of the cars that passed behind them once every few minutes, on the placidity of the water of River Thames, but mostly, on the way Magnus was pivoting his rings, tracing them individually, his head hung and his brows drawn together in concentration.

The moment Alec had had enough and decided he should ask Magnus about what's going on, hating how..conflicted Magnus looked, Magnus seemed to have gotten in the right frame of mind and began speaking. “In the early eighteen seventies, I came here.”

Upon hearing the reluctant rasp in Magnus' voice, Alec sidled closer to him and turned all his attention on him.

“After my mother's death, I was brought up by churchmen, hence my charming manners” Magnus tried to laugh, but the chuckle sounded bitter and off, it made Alec's heart wrench tightly in his chest, “and I was raised by those lovely Silent Brothers of Madrid. In fact, they were the ones to name me. I kept the name because I owe them.”

Alec's gut clenched at the newly found fact. _Great Destruction._

“And when it was time for me to rejoice in my immortality and the pleasures of life..” Albeit cheerful, Alec wasn't deaf, he could hear the pain bleeding into Magnus' words and for a second, he felt like he knew where this was going, “I couldn't quite find my feet” Magnus finished off, “I had no one, a dead mother, a stepfather I killed—”

“Magnus” Alec interrupted, hurried and _desperate._ But he didn't go on after that, instead deciding that holding Magnus' hand would be the most comfort he could offer. Magnus let out a breath the moment their skin came into contact, his shoulders slacking with the relief only Alec could tender.

“I wasn't always High Warlock, Alexander,” he said, voice scarcely above a whisper as he turned to face him. The statement was just a tangent, a detour until he collected his thoughts again. “So when I came to London, I didn't expect to feel more lost than I already was. I had no one, no one to guide me. You don't teach a child the rudiments of walking and expect them to take their first step overnight. It was.. difficult to say the least.”

Alec definitely knew where Magnus was going with this.

“One stormy night, I had lost hope in ever finding my way,” Magnus smiled, a small, sad smile that broke Alec's heart into more pieces than he suspected it was forged from. “So I came here.”

He allowed a single tear to slip down his cheek before he shut his eyes to hold back many more. “Camille was the one to find me. That's how we started, she and I.”

Alec gave an understanding squeeze on his boyfriend's hand.

“She got me off that ledge,” Magnus said, ”she introduced me to a multitude of important men and women in the Shadow World. She helped me through,” he paused to let his gaze flitter over Alec's face, adoringly. “I don't love her anymore, but I owe her more than I could ever repay. That's partially the reason I didn't want to send her to Idris that day.”

Alec nodded, lifting his other hand to thumb away the tear that had stilled against the apple of his cheek.

“The point is,” Magnus' hand was over his, keeping it against his cheek as he gazed up at him, “it always gets worse before it gets better, don't think about ending it, not before you clinch the..happiness you surely deserve. Not ever.”

“It was the magic” Alec tried, which made Magnus smile with exasperated kindness.

“I've said it before, but let me repeat myself,” he tilted his head to press a quick kiss to Alec's palm, “Magic can never create fears. It can surface them, enhance them perhaps, but never bring them into being.”

Alec opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“We never had the chance to finish this conversation before your parabatai and his synchronised drama and meddlesome girlfriend interrupted us” Magnus took Alec's hand away from his face to cup it between both of his, “I'm not only speaking of the incident at Max's party, Alexander” to prove his point, he gently ran his fingers over Alec's.

Alec swallowed, staring at their hands for distraction.

“Look at me, darling” Magnus prompted, and Alec looked up almost against his will, “punishing yourself for things you shouldn't be held responsible for, hurting yourself because you think you deserve it. Alexander, I want you to speak to me. I want you to confide in me when you're feeling weak, or self-reproaching, I need you to come to me. Are you scared I'd— judge y—”

“ _No_ ” Alec's voice went loud, as if he was cutting off a blasphemy as he shook his head, “no, no. It's not that, I promise.”

Magnus watched him, encouraging him to elaborate, so Alec did. “I've lived my life bottling things up, Magnus. I'm not, I'm not used to having someone so.. _caring._ I really don't want to hide anything from you.”

“Then don't” Magnus replied simply, “your mental health is important to me, Alec. Let me help you.”

Alec glanced away, the lump in his throat seeming to have increased in size, constricting his words.

“I haven't done anything,” his voice was raspy and a notch above a whisper when he spoke, “not since our talk on the fire escape. You— we weren't dating but you helped me, you know.”

Magnus' eyes softened, brimming with pride and so so much love that Alec had to momentarily look away.

“And I—” Alec's words came to an abrupt end, throat closing in on his words and making his breath hitch around the pronoun, “I trust you more than I trust anyone, more than I trust myself.”

At the revelation, Magnus' jaw flexed, wishing the action would provide him with the strength he really, desperately needed right now as he watched Alec struggle with his words.

“Then what is it?” He stepped closer, hands sliding off Alec's to smooth up his arms and cup his elbows. Alec sought comfort in the gesture, eyes shutting and lips parted. “Look at me.”

Alec did, and whoever said that the eyes are the windows to the soul was completely right. The moment Alec opened his eyes, he became transparent and Magnus could see straight through him.

“It's a good distraction.”

Magnus knew the feeling all too well. The wine glasses hanging between his fingers every once in a while served a purpose too, the taste was just a bonus.

“Alexander I'm going to say something, and I want you to carry it with you,” the potency in his words made Alec nod once, “you're the strongest, most courageous and righteous—” Alec began protesting, cheeks gaining colour, “—man I have ever known. And will ever know. Shadowhunter or not. You have a heart made of gold and I doubt you would ever intentionally hurt anyone. I know you've been brought up believing that making a mistake would make you lesser, would make you _weak_ , and I know you still, somewhere inside, think you're the reason Jocelyn's gone—”

“I let a demon in” Alec's voice was lower, hoarse with memories he wished he could erase. “I let—”

“You didn't,” Magnus squeezed lightly on Alec's elbows, “the demon let itself in, because that's what demons do. You had no part in it. _You_ didn't kill Jocelyn, you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and that demon pounced the opportunity, _it's not your fault._ ”

By the time Magnus finished talking, Alec had found his feet interesting, eyes perched on the scraped leather of his worn boots.

“Am I understood?” Magnus crooked his knees forward to catch Alec's gaze. Alec nodded once, feeling the warmth of Magnus' hands move up his biceps and around his neck. Then he was pulled into a tight hug.

He exhaled, arms wrapping around Magnus' waist, his head tilting so he could inhale Magnus' scent, the smell of cologne and power filling him with inexplicable relief. With rekindled strength, he pulled Magnus closer, refusing to let go for a few minutes that, instead of quenching the need to be closer to Magnus, reinforced it.

Magnus didn't seem to mind, though. His chin was propped on Alec's shoulder, eyes closed and an easy smile tilting his lips.

“Thank you” it felt like the first two words to be whispered in _hours._ “For trusting me” Alec went on. It didn't seem enough, his words couldn't equate with how grateful he was.

They pulled apart slowly, smiles matching as they easily found each other's eyes.

“Promise me you'll stop hiding your hurt from me?”

Alec parted his lips, then gave a tight-lipped smile, “as long as you do as well,” he started, watching Magnus' visage twist with confusion, “the alcohol” he clarified, then licked his lips, “the nightmares. And..everything.”

Magnus wanted to protest, but something about Alec's expression made his objections shrivel to silence, then, with a taut jaw, he gave a nod.

Alec held his arm out for Magnus to link his with. “Shall we?”

“Where to?” Magnus quirked a brow.

“This is our first time in London,” Alec shrugged, “let's make the best of it?”

Magnus hooked his arm into Alec's with a chuckle. “How about late dinner? I heard Annie's have the best Chickpea Dhansak.”

“Lead the way, old man” Alec grinned, drawing a half-affronted half-playful gasp from Magnus.

“Old?”

Squinting an eye in faux reflection, Alec looked up at the sky, then back at Magnus. “Venerable, wise beyond your years, respectable—” he amended before Magnus cut him short with a quick kiss. “Let's go, I'm starving.”

*******

It took them a long walk to get to Annie's, none of them approximated how long, they didn't care as long as they were walking abreast, arms linked as they traded sappy compliments and made fun of the pedestrians' outfits.

They didn't eat in silence either, talking about how their day was, negotiating business but making sure not to stray too much. Alec had ordered a Lamb Shank Madras while Magnus stuck to his prior suggestion with chips and Caesar salad. They did however, occasionally lift their spoons to each other's mouths and grin dorkily whenever the other would take the spoonful in. Magnus commented on the first time he'd held a fork to Alec's mouth and Alec obliviously slid the sushi off the tines, not even knowing how innocently adorable he was being.

They got a look from a man in his mid-forties, but Alec refused to let that ruin his mood, glaring the man into oblivion before Magnus snapped his fingers in front of his face.

Alec looked back at his lover. “Sorry, I was just— huh” Alec smiled when he saw Magnus' vacant blink. “He was looking at us like we just set the restaurant on fire” he mumbled in defence.

Magnus chuckled and glanced over his shoulder at the man who was victimised by Alec's scathing gaze. “Excuse my impropriety, Alexander, but you're a walking middle finger” he looked back at the man sitting across from him.

Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes for good measure, trying his best to play annoyed, but Magnus wasn't stupid, nor was he blind.

Alec, like the gentleman he was, insisted he paid, enticing a small argument before Magnus caved in.

They walked the deserted streets, hand in hand and fingers interlaced, swinging between them. “Wait” Alec suddenly said, breaking the comfortable silence as they passed by an antique shop crowded in a tight alleyway, “what's that?” He pointed through the display window.

Magnus hummed, tilting his head to the side. “That's a dreamcatcher, darling.”

Biting at his lip, Alec turned to give Magnus a questioning look.

“In some Native American cultures, it's said to banish nightmares, Angel” Magnus clarified, giving a squeeze to Alec's hand, “it's a protective charm” Magnus didn't know what enticed him to do it, but a second later the hand that wasn't in Alec's was grazing the brocade of his omamori, hidden away in his pocket.

Alec noticed the movement and although he didn't say anything, Magnus knew he knew what was happening there. They both looked down shyly, Alec smiling at the knowledge before he leant over and pressed a kiss to Magnus' temple. “Come on, I want to get one” he tugged lightly at Magnus' hand, guiding him to the door of the small shop.

The second they opened the door, a bell hung above it jingled, alerting the owner to the newcomers.

“Good evening, gentlemen” the man had said, walking himself towards the two with much effort put on his walking stick. “What can I do for you today?”

Alec and Magnus chose out the dreamcatcher as the old man admired them like they were new additions to his shop. When the mad had gone to wrap the dreamcatcher up, Magnus let out a small “I got myself a superstitious boyfriend.”

Alec gaped, turning to him with a squinted eye. “Should I take offence at that, Mr. Bane?”

Magnus laughed, shaking his head incredulously before wrapping his arms around Alec's neck. They stayed like that for a few moments with Alec's hands on Magnus' waist and Magnus' fingers twiddling with the hair at the nape of Alec's neck. It was beyond intimate and Alec felt an overwhelming desire to portal home and just hold Magnus until the sun rose from the west and set in the east.

“Young love” the man had said fondly with his thick British accent, handing Alec the plastic bag.

And now they lay in bed, entangled in each other, the bedsheets a wrinkled mess between their bodies. “Thank you, Alexander” Magnus whispered.

Alec closed his eyes, puckering his lips a little till they grazed Magnus' skin. Then he tilted his head and nuzzled the crook of Magnus' neck, breathing him in. “I want to marry you one day” he managed to say, words toppling each other till the statement was scarcely comprehensible.

Magnus tried holding Alec closer, but there wasn't an inch separating their bodies. He didn't know what to say in response to such authentic words, so he pressed a kiss to the top of Alec's head, murmuring a love confession that Alec happily reciprocated with one of his own.

With a snap of Magnus' fingers and a flick of his wrists, the lights dimmed, only the illumination of the streetlights seeping in through the windows remaining.

And the sound of Alec's steady breathing and rhythmic snores finally soothed him to sleep.


End file.
